I went back to my MSN account again.

It hurt to remember those accounts in my list...don't even remember who I was. 

It had been too long. One of my many mistakes that I cannot used Ctrl+Z to make all better again. One of the many many mistakes that I let happen due to my stupidity....my fear....my wish to move on.

I look back to friendster and see all those familiar faces...those that have crossed paths with me once in my life and have left me. Those who may have left me because I allowed them to, or because it was just all for the best. I notice how they all changed from how I once knew them. I look at myself and wonder if I had ever changed...if I really had let go of all I had planned? If I even did the right thing.

Then again...how could I really know? I don't have much memories. I allowed myself not to keep solid memories. Another of my silly mistakes to add to my list.

It finally hit me ten-fold...when I had a chance to see a person I have not met so long, a person I now realize could have been one of those people I could never forget and I could not. Reason? I trapped myself in my own world I forgot to look back at what I have left.

 It hit me then. I needed to go back. Not stay there, but go back, and fix some things that I had left, while I had the chance.

It took Amir twenty-six years to go back to his past and set things right. I will not wait for so long to fix something that may never be done.

 I still have made my choice and I can't leave it, but I will at least try to preserve what I have left...or at least make sure they knew...that they were important.

This is why I have returned to this journal. To let this out, and to see what I can fix. 

Yeah I have not.

I have been too busy doing other things. Every Saturday am busy doing some other project or what not for other subjects. If it were possible I would be working the whole week.

Sadly that is not possible. The people here will be upset, which is annoying because I feel like I can't do anything productive anyway. Ugh....how sad.

School has been hell. Am surprised people still have time to go out and do other things. I am too busy not having a life helping out with projects and the like.

And poor Giruvegan is for some reason out cold.

Stupid avast 

Just earlier I had another boring recollection. I seriously wish people would stop giving us such things. I've had enough transformation just going through stress and terror teachers.

However, I have actually come to remember something...which doesn't affect me as much as I would have thought. 

When we were asked to tell a "storm" or a negative event in our life which was so bad you nearly gave up....

I had nothing to say. My mind was blank. 

It was kinda shocking because I know there were times I was so pissed and so depressed with the world, but then again it was never to the point that I wanted to really kill myself. None that I recall.

I realized that whatever past hurts I've had...I have managed to let them all go. Well, maybe not all, but then again whatever those I can't let go were nothing dead horrible.

Have I really become this emotionally detached? 

I've trained myself to keep whatever feelings, emotions, etc. in check to avoid less pain and give me more focus on studies...which in the end didn't really work. I also thought that I didn't have the strength to be able to keep my emotions in check for all the things that have happened in the past 4 years.

But when I look back, I realized that I have almost cut myself off from my past. The full details have become a blur...I have locked it away somewhere deep in my memories.

Ah...ah well. So I have done some decent training for it after all. This is not a good thing in all aspects though. Oh well

 I have not posted here in a month. *cleans up place*

I feel so sad. I only started driving lessons now. I'm currently learning a manual. Just started today since last tuesday I fell ill from asthma. Stupid asthma.

How was it? Pretty fine I guess. I didn't crash into anything but I believe every taxi and truck driver that day wanted to kill me. I wanted to kill them too. Sometimes they were distracting me I ended up releasing the clutch thus I have to start the engine all over again. I turned out okay I guess.

How is my first week of school? Fine I guess. My blockmates have new hairstyles...and it feels different again. Probably because my building is under renovation right now and for some reason even though the other tables are being renovated there seems to be so much space. There is barely anyone at the lobby anymore...seems like everyone is crowding the second floor. I didn't get all the teachers I wanted (well, more of calculus) but I heard it's possible to pass in his class, and I can't change my schedule anymore. I was told that if we were determined enough we would get by. Hopefully that's true. am really worried enough as it is.

I watched Pirates 3 yesterday. It was 3 hours long...and it didn't feel like it. It wasn't like any other sequel, as usual. It was worth the money. Hehe...a lot of Orlando Bloom fans might just melt. And Johnny Depp . Ah well. It's really nice, although I think they need to improve on talking clearly. Sometimes I wished there was subtitles.

Now I got nothing to say. Yay. More to tell some other time I guess. Have other things to do. And lots to read

went out of town for the weekend. I actually went swimming. Hurrah for me. The room was beautiful,and always cold. I liked the place. Just hated the heat. It was so damn hot. Hay...and whatever weight I lost from the exercise I gained from the food...*sighs*

another is that the people here are enjoying the free time using the terminal giving me no other choice but to finish Final Fantasy 12. I have not finished it yet just so i could finish the other sidequests but am very close to finishing it. Very very close.

I have just realized my first real and ultimate quest will be soon over. I have decided to add more to the quest now that i have enough. Yay me.

There are a lot of good movies coming up this month, and I hope to watch them all. Or I will condemn myself..to more final fantasy 12.